Experiencing KK

Ok...

Like 3 days ago (wednesday) i wne to meet yui cause its the day i get my Yukata~~~
So i decided to take this time to stay oer her house and also watch movie ----> Harry Potter!

Yui invited 2 of her frinds. KK and Ben (nice to meet you~...ben)
Ben a 20++ year old guy who is really nice and he can speak japanese~
KK akak Khareeza. Yui's erh... ex school mate who studies in the UK now and is in malaysia cause of summer break.

So... I was totally the alien there... hey! no prob i got my yukata~
But seriously. I heard alot of kk from people and i wanted to know so i 'observed' her and seriously!
I am sooo speechless...
She's in short a s***!

She who met Ben for the 2nd time that day was.... literally ALL over ben.
Sure the stories i heard of her hugging guys and over reacted whenever she sees a guy...
I never thought of it as serious!

In any case. So Kk was all oer ben seriously.
I couldn't even the time of intro like
"Hello~ Im Christine yui's friend. Nice to meet you,ben!"
Seriously =.=
In the end of the day i didnt even know ben's name until i asked Yui and he also didn't know my name till he asked yui. No ones fault there...

Khareeza. A Chinese who looks like a indian malay.
Talks non stop. Never seen someone talk so much in my life.
Miss know it all.
Definitely very very cain type =.=

Sigh... better stop. Not nice to talk about people....
So, Ben was nice. tho he thought i was seriously quiet.
Well... i didnt have the chance to talk right??? kk was talking non-stop and she even cuts my conversation when there is one.
She's the limelight....
But hopefully we'll meet again ^_^
=.= minus kk of course =.=

but in any case.
Ben have been a real gentleman ^_^v

Sorry Sorry

I know its been centuries since last posted.
Words cannot describe how busy i have been not only in terms physically but also spiritually.
Right now i am standing in between FFWPU and UPF.
Honestly really i find it awesome- to be able to gain new experience and learn more and to be able to be some help to others.

To be able to be productive. That is what i want to invest.
But things sometimes... most of the time can be confusing.
Not because I am helping and investing to nothingness but because i don't feel it.

Do you get it?
Ever felt that you don't have the it factor?
Doing something and feel not appreciated?
Feeling not really connected to people?
Its a bit of what i have been feeling.

Helping in events and co-coordinating Youth Ministry all this requier outer and inner energy.
Doing 2 things and rearranging my schedule to fit it all so that i can focus it one at a time.
That needs double the energy.
Most of the time i find my life full of dull colours.

Its the same i guess, a full cycle.
Me looking for something - tried doing it - ending becoming dull...
One thing is that i realize more about myself.
And i gotta improve myself more. Learn more.
Life to me is such a blur still...
Really... i don't really know how to describe it.

Being me.
I feel through all these years...
The more i grow...
The more i feel....
The people i know who used to have so many hopes on me looks dissapointed.

I KNOW!!!
I know i am a dissapoinment to this nation.
Not being able to grow beautifully and greatly.
Not being able to be greater.
Not being able to be very well connected to everyone.

That's why i want to improve.
I know i am truly slow ....
All i can say is sorry...

Truly I am so sorry...

I am sorry for being the way i am...
i am sorry for being a very bad leader...
i am sorry for everything i have done....

i have to find my complete self.
So that, other 2nd gen would be better...
research, that is what is need for youth ministry...
trust, love and care as well...

That is all i can say for now...
a alitlle part of my heart.